Dave Portnoy Might Be The Worst Athlete Ever [VIDEO]

This article was originally published on Total Pro Sports.

Dave Portnoy quickly became the butt of jokes after winning the “Poop Race.” 

The Barstool Sports owner has gone viral online for putting out one of the worst athletic displays ever, though he still managed to come out on top. 

Portnoy beat former James Madison defensive lineman Andrew Taddeo in a 40-yard dash in an event called the “Poop Race.”

He had plenty of help, given that he got a 17-yard head start. 

The race, held as part of a PHX Hydration Energy Drink promotion, took place on Monday. 

The video below shows Portnoy starting out as slowly as possible, then limping all the way to the end. 

As bad as he looked, Portnoy celebrated his victory with zero shame. 

“Dave Portnoy might be the worst athlete I’ve ever seen in my life😂,” X user Gain of Fauci wrote as a caption after resharing Portnoy’s post. 

Check it out right below:

Social Media Continues To Roast Dave Portnoy

Social media users crushed Dave Portnoy in the comments.

“If you think this is bad, you should have seen the video of him trying to use a hammer to drive one nail into a flat surface the other day. It was stomach turning,” one wrote.

If you think this is bad, you should have seen the video of him trying to use a hammer to drive one nail into a flat surface the other day. It was stomach turning.

— ESF (@ESF12345678910) February 4, 2026

“I can’t decide if he runs like he’s injured or 90 years old,” another shared.

I can’t decide if he runs like he’s injured or 90 years old.

— Alaska Wolverine (@ak_wolverine) February 4, 2026

“Dude runs like a disabled hobbit,” someone offered.

Dude runs like a disabled hobbit.

— Champagne Joshi (@JoshWalkos) February 4, 2026

“I thought I was watching the Special Olympics,” someone else claimed.

I thought I was watching the Special Olympics.

— L. Faciane (@FacianeII) February 4, 2026

“Brother please tell me you’ve had a few knee surgeries or else we are gonna have to have a conversation about wtf that was,” another user commented.

Brother please tell me you’ve had a few knee surgeries or else we are gonna have to have a conversation about wtf that was

— Anthony Bowens (@Bowens_Official) February 4, 2026

The 48-year-old, who previously went viral for exaggerating his height, did not care what social media had to say. 

“13 milly views!” he boasted as he responded to the quip.

All publicity is good publicity, as they say.